Now?

Would now be a good time to tell you how much I love you? I’ve spent two hours at work today talking about how we cope with how things are. I’ve spent a couple of hours at the pub with a cycling friend who’s life is both more interesting and complicated than mine and he’s sleeping on the sofa downstairs (sofa surfing) which was all very pleasant.

Except none of it is. Life isn’t normal. You’re not here. And you’re not going to be. And I know I’m supposed to start learning to adapt to what my new normal is going to be. But I don’t want to. I just want you. So bad. I don’t know how to make it through without my beautiful boy. How the fuck do people survive this?

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