I am doing, and will continue to do, the best by Matt and me. I am glad I reached out, and I am glad I got to talk to his Mum this evening, even if it was an awkward and not easy conversation for either of us. I’m still glad I tried. We are on different sides of an artificial fence and I totally understand where she is coming from. I miss being able to talk to her over a glass of wine from time to time, but that’s ok. We were only engaged, I wasn’t family. He chose me, they didn’t. If that means I’m the bad guy because they didn’t see so much of him, or whatever else I’m being blamed for, then so be it. But no one could make Matt do anything he didn’t want to do, or in fact tell him to do anything, so blaming me for his behaviour serves no purpose. However he would have wanted me to try and build bridges, and to support his family if I could, and I’m trying. And I will keep trying. I know I haven’t done anything wrong and I know I’m not to blame. I will honour his memory by doing the right thing. I loved him then, and I love him now and it’s the last thing I can do for him. It’s hard as f*ck, and coping with losing him is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Losing him is like someone has ripped a part of me out, and the pain is beyond words. Even so life keeps piling it on, and I just hope I can stay strong enough to cope with it all. I’m not at all sure I can, but that’s one more day done, and it’s all about one day at a time. Wherever you are my love, I hope you’re holding my hand through the days and weeks to come. I miss your support so much and love you so much more. Nothing else matters.